Weird, I know, but I actually am afraid to write on this subject. How do you know when you should leave a church and when you should stay?
The whole subject of church can be so beautiful, so painful, so touchy, so controversial, so complex, and so simple.
I don't have the answers to when you should leave or when you should stay and I don't believe there are always easy pat answers to it. There is a time to stay and a time to leave.
(As a disclaimer right at the beginning this is not targeted at anyone in particular...just sharing my thoughts and heart.)
In October Jerry Stoltzfus from S.C. was here for meetings and he spoke on this subject one evening. I had never heard a message spoken from this perspective but it has run around in my mind ever since. Recently in a conversation it came up .
Jerry's words were "Before you leave a church think of the hole you will leave behind."
In life all of us crave to belong...to be connected. Ephesians 5:30 "We are all members of one body." We are not a body to ourselves, God made us to be a part of a body, to be connected, to be wanted and needed.
Whether you are a part of a church for a long period of time or a short period of time, you make attachments and you connect. Maybe not in the way you wanted to connect, or maybe you have been disappointed in the lack of connections but I would dare to guess that someone reached out to you, someone invested themselves in you, someone cared about who you were. If you were a part of a church for a long period of time then likely there were many people who connected with you, cared about you, and invested in you. When you leave, even if it's the right thing to do, you dismember yourself from the body and the body will bleed. Here is where I believe Satan steps in with his pretty little lies, whispering that no one will care, they will be better off without you, some one else will fill your shoes, etc. etc. The truth is that a hole will be left that YOU filled and even though new people come along, no one else will take your place. There will always be your spot.
It's because
CHURCH IS FAMILY!
When a family loses a member- they bleed, they mourn, they feel that loss intensely.....time does move on and they do develop a new normal but no one else ever takes that family member's place.
How can the local church be like family?
1. Family members have different opinions.
2. Family members will not allow anyone to trash talk their siblings or parents.
3. Family members know we don't always get it right.
4. Family members know we love deeply even at the risk of being misunderstood or rejected.
5. Family members seek ways to minimize the damage caused by sins.
6. Family members can have extreme levels of maturity of lack there of.
7. Family members have extreme personality differences and we appreciate our differences.
8. Family members feel deep pain and loss when one walks away and rejects them.
9. Family members are not all alike or else someone is not needed.
10. Family members even in serious dysfunction don't leave, they stick around and try their best to being sanity.
When you have family you are connected...you have roots!
When you have church you are connected...you have roots!
Maybe the church needs you more than you need the church. Or...sometimes we are our own worst problem. We are not a part of God's family because He needs us...He wants us and we need Him!
Does the local church always get it right? No, no, and no. Does the congregation always get it right? No, no, and no. Leaders fail to get it right, congregations fail to get it right but can we not covenant together to be there for each other even with each others' weird and quirky ways?
Simply because we care deeply for each other....
because we're family,
not because we're perfect!
It's easy to complain about the problems, to criticize, to make fun of someone's quirky ways.....and then to walk away with our disappointments, bitternesses, hurts, or maybe with our self-righteousness.
Before you leave a church....
...at least consider and ask what you have given? Were you ever fully committed to this local body of Believers and if you weren't then don't leave too quickly. Consider this...
Perhaps God may have called you to this very church "for such a time as this". The very areas that you see lacking in the church are perhaps the very place God has called you to make a difference. Don't do it with selfish ambitions, pride, or with your agenda....it probably won't work if you do. But put both feet fully in and with your whole heart give it all you got - and in the Name of Jesus serve as He did - with a humble, servant spirit - and watch HIM work HIS work through you in ways far beyond your imaginations, in ways that will drive you to your knees before Him!
...and then think of the terrible loss...... what if you had just walked away?
Satan's goal is to kill-steal-divide-destroy and he's been doing a fine job of it! Don't be a part of his plan.
There is a time to leave. There are times God calls you somewhere else and that's okay. There are times when a church is teaching error and you should leave but don't leave ugly! It's like a family, sometimes God calls family members to live somewhere else and we bless them in following God's plan and His calling. Even though they, too, leave an empty spot and they are missed intensely, it's still a good part of God's plan.
But when we're family, we stay connected.
We call, we talk, we visit, we facetime and we come back home! And oh, the special times of reconnecting and hearing how God is working in their lives! It can be so beautiful!
But if we leave for the wrong reason then it's painful, it hurts, it's discouraging, defeating, and dare I say, wrong? I don't want to undermine the pain, hurts, and ungodliness that has been done in the name of Christianity...that, too, is wrong, wrong, and wrong. Maybe you have left a church, maybe you've left our church, maybe you've left for right reasons or wrong reasons....maybe you're thinking about leaving a church. I want you to know that you are or will be missed, there is a place that only you can/could fill.
Thank you to Jerry and Diane for coming and sharing these thoughts with us ...
we are still ruminating on them!
Philippians 1:27 "Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ. Then, whether I come and see you again or only hear about you, I will know that you are standing together with one spirit and one purpose, fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News."
