Joy in Suffering

Praise to God, the "stone" is no more!  Ten days ago I had a medical procedure done and the kidney stone was removed from my body and I have been declared "stone free"!  Ah-h, how wonderful it is to feel good again!  It has been quite a journey to get rid of this stone and definitely one that I do not wish to repeat. 

What lessons can I learn from this experience?

1.  Faith.  It is really difficult to have faith when God seems silent.  When you cry out to Him with a broken heart and hear nothing back.  You know that He is with you but you don't feel Him.  It was amazing how often the topic of  FAITH came up in the last couple of months.  We were studying faith in our schooling, our Sunday School lessons were on Faith, a friend of mine had a blog writing on Faith when God is silent, etc.  Many times those topics were exactly what I needed.  

2.  Accept suffering.  I learned to ask "Why not me?" instead of "Why me?".   Why should others suffer such tragic and horrible things while my life runs smoothly along?  Why should I get so distraught over a little temporary kidney stone?

3.  Praise during suffering.  Many nights when I walked the floor almost all night long or times during the day when I walked the floor for almost 10 hours straight I decided to praise God, when praising was the last thing I felt like doing.  I also used those hours to pray.  Pray for my husband, my children, our church, our families, friends, others who were suffering, etc.  A lot of things that I often don't find  take time to pray for.

4.  To stay at home.  Our winter months here are packed with activities 24/7.  Because of never knowing when the kidney stone may erupt in pain, I could not commit to helping with any fund-raisers.  In some ways, this was a great trial because I enjoy helping with our Quilt Sale and the Haiti Benefit Auction.  Amazingly enough those sales went right on without me helping and seemed to be extra profitable this year!  :)  And friends and family usually come to visit through the winter months but I was very limited on how much I could host...frustrating, but again found out that it's okay.  Even though I suffered from the stress of a kidney stone I didn't go through the normal stress of a schedule that is packed way too full.

5.  Humility.  It's rather humbling to have your illnesses exposed to everyone (probably more so for me, because I tend to be more of a private person).  Because of JR being a public leader sometimes I feel like I live in a glass house and maybe sometimes I resent that, so I am working on that.  It also takes humility to have food brought in for your family  because you are sick in bed, and to ask for the elders to anoint you with oil.  I would so much rather be the one helping then the one needing help.  But the blessings... innumerable.  To have our pastors crying out to God for me and to encourage me meant so much.  To have friends bringing in meals and flowers is inexpressible. 

6.  Knowledge about kidney stones.  I know a lot more about kidney stones than I did before.  I also dislike them a lot more than I did before! :)  I tried herbs, home remedies, juices, medical, narcotics, fasting, anointing, and really believed God wanted to heal me.  For some reason He chose the medical route through a procedure done at the hospital.  That wasn't my choice of ways to be healed but His ways are so much higher than mine. I can show much more compassion to those who have kidney stones because now I know how they feel.

7.  Be an example.  During one of my 'midnight strolls' God seemed to say that I can be an example of how we as Christians should endure suffering with JOY.  I didn't much like that one but I was willing to learn whatever God wanted to teach me.  Praising God through suffering is a choice definitely not a feeling.

8.  Accepting changes in my schedule.  I love a schedule, I love things organized and well planned.  My life is not well organized and well planned right now.  God knows I would go overboard with these things and probably wouldn't be much fun to live with, because I would tend to make everyone else run by my schedule, too, so He keeps me flexible.  I recently told Dad I am almost afraid to plan something because it's almost bound to get changed!

Recently someone asked me what the hardest part of this "stone" experience was.  My first answer was "the chronic pain".  Pain that is not sharp  pain but is pain that doesn't stop really wears on you.  When anyway you sit can cause poking or anyway you lie down causes poking and it doesn't stop...your endurance goes way down, at least mine did. It's a pain that is hard to describe.  The further the stone moved down the less I had of the excruciating pain but more of the chronic non-stop pain. 

But then probably equally as painful is when God seems silent.  When you are asking for answers and are willing to do whatever God wants you to do but don't hear direction from Him, then your mind is an open target for Satan to come whispering his lies and sowing his seeds of doubt.  This is definitely a time when every thought must be taken captive.

My suffering seems so minute compared with what others have suffered that I almost feel bad even mentioning it here.  Friends of ours have lost a son, another has a wife that is suffering from alzheimers at a young age, diseases, cysts, etc.... my little kidney stone seemed pretty small in comparison.  I cannot even imagine what suffering they have/are experiencing.  My prayers are with them in a fresh, new way.

But in the midst of suffering I can have JOY.  How do you explain joy when your heart is crushed and your body is hurting?  ONLY GOD.  I cannot imagine how unbelievers go through suffering without God.  How peaceful to know that even when I didn't 'feel' God, I KNEW He was here, suffering with me.  He didn't take joy in my suffering but possibly cried right along with me.  How safe to know that I could lay in His arms secure when I was exhausted mentally and physically.  It's a JOY that I cannot explain but I am so thankful to know Jesus and to know I am His child.

And then to have a husband who loved me like no other.  He was so patient, cared for me, and suffered right along with me.  He sometimes held me as I cried and didn't say a word because there were no words.  He sought God for me and tried to help discern what direction we should take next.  I love this man and cannot express enough gratefulness to God for blessing my life with him.  

And then my children.... I know it is a real trial to them to have a mom lying in bed in pain when the family needs cared for.  They gathered around my bed and cried out to God to relieve me of my pain and heal me.  (Btw, twenty minutes later the pain left.)  I could see the suffering and pain in their eyes, too,  when they knew I was having pain.  I love these kids and cannot thank God enough for them either.

So now this song has a new meaning to me...

"I'm a new creation, I'm a brand new man. (in my case, woman)

Old things are passed away, I've been born again.

More than a conqueror that's what I am..

I'm a new creation, I'm a brand new man!"

My pain is totally gone and I feel brand new again.....

THANK YOU, JESUS!