A Promise of Friendship

I've been thinking alot lately about friendship, loyalty, brotherhood/sisterhood, unity, peace, conflict.... sometimes my head is so full of thoughts I can't keep up with myself!

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord."

What are the real meditations of my heart? Are they acceptable to God?
Sometimes I have alot of 'uglies' inside that dare to spill out my mouth.   Sadly, they will usually spill onto those that I love the most.  Not good.  And sometimes I have a lot of 'uglies' that don't spill out but they brew inside.  The only cure I've found for that is time alone with God.  He alone can cleanse me from the inside out. He alone knows the cries of my heart.

Last Sunday our teacher read some very thought provoking words.  They've been rolling in my mind all week (in this context, written for women).

"You have been hurt by women.  I can see the pain in your eyes...And I've never done this before but...I feel prompted to make you a promise of friendship."

"I promise I will never speak an unkind word to or about you.  I will never be jealous of you.  I will never compete with you.  I will never abandon or betray you.  I will love you.  I will pray for you.  I will do all I can to help you go far and wide in the Kingdom.

I will accept you as you are, always.  I will be loyal to you.  Before our loving God of grace, you have my words and my heart in friendship for this life and forever with Him."

I hear loyalty, commitment, safety, love, peace...and those words move me.  God did not bless me with many physical tears (and He and I have had many meetings about that until He told me I have 'heart tears' that are just as important to Him) but those words will almost always evoke tears.  Those words go deep with me...and very little hurts me more than the opposite of those words. 

In reality we will probably never make such a vow to each other and I'm not sure we could completely keep it if we did; but what if we at least tried?  How would my friends like to know that "I've got their back"?  How would they like to know that I will not talk about them in negative way to anyone else?  How would they like to know that I will not be jealous over them or try to compete with them but instead I will do everything I can to make them successful in God's Kingdom and in life?  How would they like to know that I will not abandon or betray them?  How would they like to know that I love them and will pray for them?  How would they like to know that I will accept them even when they do things differently then I would? (And I'm not referring to accepting sin)   How would they like to know that I will be loyal to them?

By God's grace and power I want to be and have tried to be that kind of friend.  Keep me accountable...if you hear 'uglies' come out of my mouth-- call me to the table on it!  Don't let me get by with it. 

I truly believe that there is some thing so hugely powerful about love, loyalty, and commitment that if we could truly live that way.........there would be an evangelism explosion!  Jesus said, "By this (love) shall all men know that ye are my disciples...by your love for each other." 

So why don't we love like that? 
When I'm hurting, I want to hurt others.  True, sometimes we hurt others simply because we are hurting and it is SO important that we address our hurts with God. 

 ....but sometimes it is simply because we are ME centered creatures. I want what I want, I want my way, I want things done my way, I, I, I.  What does Jesus say?  In James 4 we read "What is causing quarrels and fights among you?  Don't they come from the evil desires at war within you?  You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can't get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them."
When I am perfectly honest with God, most of the time that I don't love and let the 'uglies' spill out it is because I have evil (self centered) desires warring within me.  I want to kill with my mouth and scheme how to get what I want.  And *gasp* sometimes it is because I am jealous (did I just say that?!) of others!  Do I ever wage war?  Really?   And sometimes I have the 'uglies' because *cringe* I don't esteem you better than myself.  Boy, that's embarrassing!

I got my work cut out for me or should I say "God's got His hands full with me"?  I need His grace every day, every  hour of every day.  I need Him to show me how to love His way, how to esteem other's ways better than mine, how to show the world I am His Disciple by my love for my friends.  You know, sometimes it's easier to love those in the world than it is to love those in the church or even in our own families.

Is this kind of love possible or are my hopes, dreams, and prayers not reality?
I would love to hear your feedback on this.